Marriage and Personality Differences.
Haha, I am already laughing because this has been a fun one in our relationship.
I am not sure how many people here know myers briggs... but if you don't, you should definitely take a basic test similar to the myers briggs here. Essentially, it categorizes your personality into 4 different traits.
Me? I am an ENFJ- it stands for Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, Judgement. W is an ENFP. the "P" means Perceiving. I am not going to go into what all that means, except for the last letter.
The judgement personality trait doesn't mean what you may be thinking. Being a J means you like structure to your schedule, like making plans, feel motivated by completing tasks because you like getting the closure. Being a P means you like more flexibility in your schedule, developing a plan makes you feel gated, and they may be late to a gathering or meeting... because they like flexible environments.
So essentially, W and I are complete opposites in that category.
Now, you may be able to see how this could make a relationship very interesting-- whether it's planning a weekend date, planning a wedding, developing life and relationship goals.... it gets tough because the way we go about our days & our lives are very different.
I remember when we were first planning our wedding, I would always tell W that we needed to do this or that. His classic answer? "We will figure it out"... "Babe, we need to develop a budget for our wedding... we need to figure out how we are going to pay for everything"... "We will figure it out"... [Pull my hair out here].
On the flip side, I will wake up on a Saturday morning and have a pretty good idea of what my day will look like and W will say " Can you ever enjoy the weekend and let whatever happen, happen?". AH that's so hard! NO! I MUST have a plan! But ok, fine.
There are definitely times of tension and frustration, FOR SURE. And there are definitely times I wonder what planet he came from. :)
Even though there are times of frustration, it can be a lot of fun to be opposites. He helps me "go with the flow" a little bit more (even if it gives me major anxiety, lol jk but really) and he has done a much better job developing plans and schedules when needed.
One thing that I have found helps is if we plan to have a talk. So instead of me springing a "we need to do this", I say " Baby, on Tuesday, can you dedicate an hour for us to talk about [you name it]". That helps a lot for both of us. Still have a lot of work to do, but we will get there!
Maybe you have a similar thing that goes on in your relationship. Maybe you both are so different it's hard to find conflict resolution. Take the personality test if you haven't already! It will give you insight into yourself and your partner! Understanding brings compassion- so let's start by learning and understanding our partner so we can better serve them.
My best advice is communication and willingness. That is actually W's words.. He always says it to me lol. I am one that is not the best with conflict and communication, but it's something I have to work on because it makes a huge difference in my relationship. I am the first one to say I am not one who wants to have to change my way of doing things or thinking, but it's not about us as individuals anymore, amen? It's about what is best for the both of us. Its a day by day journey, but with the willingness, your relationship will get better and better! If you are like me and dread "talks" or conflict, pray before, ask God for understanding and for Him to help give you the right words. And even though humbling...remember, your partnership/marriage is a reflection of God's relationship with His church- we are stewards of His kingdom-- even when no one is watching. I need that reminder on a daily, girl.
I hope you join me in talking about this on instagram @aishalbranch. Let's have some fun- celebrating our differences!